It’s Friday afternoon, which means I was so close to ending the week without seeing a horny statue of Final Fantasy 7’s Tifa Lockhart on the internet. But thanks to a viral tweet from VTuber D Piddy, I have now seen a horny statue of Final Fantasy 7’s Tifa Lockhart—from several angles—and it’s so absurd I have to share this cursed knowledge with the world before it fully consumes me.
First off, you may be asking: What is with that pose? Is that a thing Tifa does in Final Fantasy 7 Remake? If you are terminally online, you probably already know that no, that is not an attack from the game or a striptease sequence you somehow didn’t hear about. It’s the Jack-O pose, named after a character from the Guilty Gear fighting game series. Jack-O does that pose, see, and it’s so damn ridiculous that now tons of other characters do that pose because fan artists are an unstoppable force. (Personally I like this one starring Invincible’s Omni-Man).
The Jack-O was briefly a big meme in 2021, and given the history of Tifa fandom it was perhaps inevitable that we would arrive at this moment. A moment where anyone can own a $730 statue of Tifa, painstakingly rendered to match her look in the Final Fantasy 7 Remake, grinding on the Buster sword Jack-O style.
If you want to ponder Final Fantasy lore for a moment, consider whether Tifa is in fact twerking on Zack’s grave. We all grieve in our own ways.
I have to admit, the quality here looks really good. Whoever sculpted it is clearly passionate about their art. The funniest thing about this statue—and there are a lot of funny things about it—is how every promotional image of it is plastered with the Final Fantasy 7 Remake logo, even though this is definitely not an officially licensed product.
It did have me fooled for half a second, though, because Square Enix does make its own line of very expensive figurines and the accuracy to Tifa’s FF7 Remake character model is so precise. By Square Enix’s standards this statue isn’t even all that expensive. The creator of Final Fantasy was concerned about the $12,000 price tag of a recent Final Fantasy 6 statue. I wonder how he feels about this one.
The close-second funniest thing about this statue is the list of options you have to choose from when ordering, which includes these options (all caps preserved for accuracy):
- ADVANCED WITH EXCHANGEABLE NUDE BODY
- ADVANCED WITH EXCHANGEABLE BATTLE SUIT NUDE BODY
- ADVANCED WITH TWO EXCHANGEABLE BODY
If you’re just a big fan of the Jack-O pose, the STANDARD configuration is practically a steal, at only $545—shipping not included.